Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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