I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
