oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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