woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
