I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
