sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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