Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
