What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
