In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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