I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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