Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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