Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
