Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
