My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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