I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to make a zoo with you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
