She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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