i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
