how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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