Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
