Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
