I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
