so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
