don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
