I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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