Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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