and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
