a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
