Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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