my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
