please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
