Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
