I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
