I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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