didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
