he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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