I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
