My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
