The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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