He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
