I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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