I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
