OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
