Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
