i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
