I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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