I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
