did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
