remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
