I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
