$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I CAN MOONWALK!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
