I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
