I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
