what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
