Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
